it's sunday night. rob and holden sleep. joey at the end of the bed waiting until the pack is complete. holden is in his bed, but believe it when i say that joey hears every heart beat. joey is more than a good dog. he is the best.
thank you for the rain. i'm tired and i'm going to bed. my tea is steaming. british comedies await. the vicar of dibley. does it get any better than this? yes, i'm blessed.
holden goes to school tomorrow. wed is his bday party. we're doing dinosaurs. cupcakes with lots of icing. fun fun 3 yrs old is fun!
sleep tight.
love you.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
first blog
i'm a mama. he's more than a gift, he's so much that i can't even find the words to describe him. he's the icing on our cake. he's the sunshine, and we already had sun. he proves there is more. he completes us. love. rob and i have been blessed a hundred times over. thank you. it's real. it's amazing and other people don't always get it. the amazing thing is that we do, and of course that's all that matters. one love. peace. happiness. thank you.
i sit here and think of my dear friend elle...she's due any second now. i love you, i can't wait to meet our new addition! hell paso isn't so far away. especially since i'm in odessa once or 3 times a year. texas. that's another story...
i love texas. and i always will. hell i am texan. but i am more. i've seen more than most people. a gift from God. yes. a real gift.
so, here i am. i feel the need to start a blog for my own well being. i've lost. i've lost more than once and i need to feel sorry for myself sometimes...and so why not do it here?? this is my blog after all..
oh, but don't think this is a, "feel sorry for myself blog", because once the scales are balanced...i come up way on top. like i mentioned before, i am more than blessed.
i've made friends in all the strangest places..and man i wish i could still see them all today. i love lorraine from nyc. you taught me the importance of motherhood. your daughter let you down, but you did not let her children down. god bless you, i think of you often. i cherish our days at the beach! the boys had so much fun.
here's a secret that's not a secret..i miss sarasota. i miss sarasota because it was magic. the salt air. the art. the green. the air. the neighbors. the ocean in our backyard. the timeless screened-in front porch. the hibiscus. the air. kitty. thank god the love followed us.
i know you can never go back. i wonder where the next place will be? texas is not it. unless it is for holden. holden is always the deal breaker. if texas is for holden, then texas it is...but then again?
ok, now you are getting to know me a little better, (as i sit here and listen to my itunes list..."sister morphine"..the stones.)
yeah, the stones. among others.
love you k and s. omg i send strength. i wish you the happy ending of all happy endings.
wtf? how does a blog get shared without feeling like a freak the next day?
if i can't come up with a decent answer to the prior question, then this may be the end of my first post to my first blog.
but wait. there needs to be a meaning to this first post.
holden. he's definately most important, but then again, there is so much more. rob. (insert happy girl doing flip-flops in love here). we've been married over 11 years. he is my soulmate. the reason i married him. connection. period. thank you god. it feels so good. even on the worst of days. we've had a couple of the worst of the days. but the love is too strong. it's solid. it's meant to be. i am blessed.
holden is not the first. but he is the first born. i suffer every day. that will never stop. there is a reason, and i take it. sometimes it is almost unbearable.
"see the sky about to rain" neil young
i miss my dad. he's gone. long sad stomach wrenching story. i still miss him. nobody can know you like your daddy knew you. it's true. love your papa if you can. sometimes its hard...sometimes it's impossible. it's not your fault.
he loves you. know it. believe it. it's true.
and i feel stupid even typing it...but of course you love him, too.
i miss my brother. he's in prison. i say he's gone. but i know that's not true. we're connected. he and i are like twin babies, yet we are 2 yrs apart. i think i feel his every breath, but i fear him. i fear him like evil. i want him to understand. but i'm not willing to risk getting hurt -- or worse, someone i love getting hurt, while i try to help him. i've let go of him. feel my love. know i love you. love me because i had to let you go. i will never leave you totally.
i miss my memom more than i did the day she left us. my stomach twists just thinking of her. she is sunshine. she is hope. she is the sunshine. i love you.
this is me so far. i'm here and there and that's ok, because these are my random thoughts. i can say anything i want...and i dont have to regret anything. (even though i plan on sharing this...so how silly am I?)
who will i share this with? if i do with anyone, it will most definately be with my girls...they know who they are. they already know my insecurites, and they still accept me. i love you all. thank you for inviting me to the club. you carried me through days and you didnt even know it. i love you, a,c,j,j,j,l,n&s! i know you know it already, but you mean the world to me. sisters. s-i-s-t-e-r-s. thank you. love you. our connection was also meant to be. peace.
Jazz. feel the music. feel the energy. no i'm really not that far out, but when i'm typing my first blog i have an urge to recruit everyone in the world to gather around. feel the love. unite. peace. this war is bullshit. yeah i said it. bring our boys home. no it's not vietnam. no i'm not an expert. i wont ever claim to be. but i do know that our children should be home.
will peace ever happen? real peace? i pray for that every day. i know we all do. but at the same time, dont discard me as an "unrealist". i know shit happens.
i lol at the thought of whoever just rolled their eyes.
however, this is my blog.
a little bit of lef still carries on in me...but believe me, i do my best to keep it covered. at least that part. i try. other parts will live on forever. and i'm happy about that!
life is funny. there are real rules that most people dont concentrate on. a big one: balance. love. it comes around...or not. if i had my wish we'd keep that one moving around and around and around...
peace out. stephanie
i sit here and think of my dear friend elle...she's due any second now. i love you, i can't wait to meet our new addition! hell paso isn't so far away. especially since i'm in odessa once or 3 times a year. texas. that's another story...
i love texas. and i always will. hell i am texan. but i am more. i've seen more than most people. a gift from God. yes. a real gift.
so, here i am. i feel the need to start a blog for my own well being. i've lost. i've lost more than once and i need to feel sorry for myself sometimes...and so why not do it here?? this is my blog after all..
oh, but don't think this is a, "feel sorry for myself blog", because once the scales are balanced...i come up way on top. like i mentioned before, i am more than blessed.
i've made friends in all the strangest places..and man i wish i could still see them all today. i love lorraine from nyc. you taught me the importance of motherhood. your daughter let you down, but you did not let her children down. god bless you, i think of you often. i cherish our days at the beach! the boys had so much fun.
here's a secret that's not a secret..i miss sarasota. i miss sarasota because it was magic. the salt air. the art. the green. the air. the neighbors. the ocean in our backyard. the timeless screened-in front porch. the hibiscus. the air. kitty. thank god the love followed us.
i know you can never go back. i wonder where the next place will be? texas is not it. unless it is for holden. holden is always the deal breaker. if texas is for holden, then texas it is...but then again?
ok, now you are getting to know me a little better, (as i sit here and listen to my itunes list..."sister morphine"..the stones.)
yeah, the stones. among others.
love you k and s. omg i send strength. i wish you the happy ending of all happy endings.
wtf? how does a blog get shared without feeling like a freak the next day?
if i can't come up with a decent answer to the prior question, then this may be the end of my first post to my first blog.
but wait. there needs to be a meaning to this first post.
holden. he's definately most important, but then again, there is so much more. rob. (insert happy girl doing flip-flops in love here). we've been married over 11 years. he is my soulmate. the reason i married him. connection. period. thank you god. it feels so good. even on the worst of days. we've had a couple of the worst of the days. but the love is too strong. it's solid. it's meant to be. i am blessed.
holden is not the first. but he is the first born. i suffer every day. that will never stop. there is a reason, and i take it. sometimes it is almost unbearable.
"see the sky about to rain" neil young
i miss my dad. he's gone. long sad stomach wrenching story. i still miss him. nobody can know you like your daddy knew you. it's true. love your papa if you can. sometimes its hard...sometimes it's impossible. it's not your fault.
he loves you. know it. believe it. it's true.
and i feel stupid even typing it...but of course you love him, too.
i miss my brother. he's in prison. i say he's gone. but i know that's not true. we're connected. he and i are like twin babies, yet we are 2 yrs apart. i think i feel his every breath, but i fear him. i fear him like evil. i want him to understand. but i'm not willing to risk getting hurt -- or worse, someone i love getting hurt, while i try to help him. i've let go of him. feel my love. know i love you. love me because i had to let you go. i will never leave you totally.
i miss my memom more than i did the day she left us. my stomach twists just thinking of her. she is sunshine. she is hope. she is the sunshine. i love you.
this is me so far. i'm here and there and that's ok, because these are my random thoughts. i can say anything i want...and i dont have to regret anything. (even though i plan on sharing this...so how silly am I?)
who will i share this with? if i do with anyone, it will most definately be with my girls...they know who they are. they already know my insecurites, and they still accept me. i love you all. thank you for inviting me to the club. you carried me through days and you didnt even know it. i love you, a,c,j,j,j,l,n&s! i know you know it already, but you mean the world to me. sisters. s-i-s-t-e-r-s. thank you. love you. our connection was also meant to be. peace.
Jazz. feel the music. feel the energy. no i'm really not that far out, but when i'm typing my first blog i have an urge to recruit everyone in the world to gather around. feel the love. unite. peace. this war is bullshit. yeah i said it. bring our boys home. no it's not vietnam. no i'm not an expert. i wont ever claim to be. but i do know that our children should be home.
will peace ever happen? real peace? i pray for that every day. i know we all do. but at the same time, dont discard me as an "unrealist". i know shit happens.
i lol at the thought of whoever just rolled their eyes.
however, this is my blog.
a little bit of lef still carries on in me...but believe me, i do my best to keep it covered. at least that part. i try. other parts will live on forever. and i'm happy about that!
life is funny. there are real rules that most people dont concentrate on. a big one: balance. love. it comes around...or not. if i had my wish we'd keep that one moving around and around and around...
peace out. stephanie
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